one day in english class, we debated on what each of us thinks is the definition of reality. my opinion is despite what you believe, think, see, hear, smell, taste, touch, ect., reality is what is happening at that moment. just because two people see life in different ways doesn't mean that there are two different realities. those people have different perspectives. when one person in my class tried to explain this, everyone shot him down because their opinion was based on what one other loud person was preaching earlier in the class. i backed up the person who was shot down obviously. it annoys me to no end when people think a statement is right just because one person who is loud and confident/cocky voiced their opinion before others. actually, i just hate when people are followers in general. you have a mind of your own, so why not use it?

i let people's words and actions get to me way too much. it's a growing issue of mine and it really needs to stop. i know, i know, "it's not about what other people think, it's about what i think." but you know what? in all honesty i just want to help people (it's a goal of mine). and how can i help people if they don't like me? but adding to that, i don't sugarcoat things and lie to my friends to make them feel better. i tell the truth to make them feel better. i would rather cry over the truth than smile over a lie. just my personal philosophy. so the fact that i don't kiss up to people makes them not like me as much (it seems). who knows. i could just be a self-centered bitch and everyone secretly hates me :P

i have a boyfriend named bobby. i've been dating him since february 7th, 2007. i'm only in 9th grade so it may seem like "puppy love" or whatever you wanna call it but i truly believe that what we have is something great. he's one of the very few people that i fully trust. our relationship started off kind of rocky (my friend liked him and my other friend previously dated him) but i somewhat feel as if the rough beginning made us stronger than most couples in our school. a lot of people have felt the need to judge us harshly and even spread rumors (luckily not too many, but still) but nothing has torn us apart.
i have a "unique" name to say the least, and i felt as if boys wouldn't want to date me because dating a girl named ryan would be like dating a boy. and it seems as if other guys are fixated on calling other guys gay as an insult. but i know bobby is different from other guys. he does what he thinks is right and if he wants something, he does whatever it takes to get it. he is so smart but sometimes he does things without putting a lot of thought into it, which sometimes results in trouble. but he always manages to get out of it. this kid is so random and weird but it just endears me to him more and more everyday. he makes me feel so good about myself and i appreciate it so much. i could go into my many reasons for loving him, but i think it would take to long. and i'd probably forget a lot. so i'll end this by saying that i love bobby more than words could fully explain.

don't you just hate it when you find yourself at a loss for words? i find that there's always a bunch of thoughts spiraling around in my head, just waiting to burst out, but most of the time i don't know how to put it all together. i've realized that i can only write something well if it's last minute (example: the 8 page research paper i wrote on my chosen occupation of a psychologist). i had a few weeks to write it, but i put off writing it until the day before the rough draft was due. i think i wrote it well, but my english teacher tends to be very critical so i think it's a toss-up. hmmph. maybe someday i'll learn how to express my thoughts in a well-organized way :P